Wednesday, December 29
this few days was spent playing need for speed underground two. cool game. thrilling. hahas. racing games are thrilling. 2005. coming all the way. need to get a job real soon. resolution for 2005. job that lasts me from january till march when i get back my o'level results. need to earn some money. spent money upgrading graphics card. kind of broke now. and. can't be idling at home doing nothing. going out means spending money. hahas. so cannot. hope i get a job and settle down for the next few months. good luck to those going to jc. how i wish i could. i have only myself to blame. o'level results. don't even want to think 'bout it. let's hope everything goes fine. school's reopening. everyone's like so busy this few days. the uncompleted work and all. that's life for students. enjoy first. then do all the work at the last minute. that sounds like me. blahs. uncle was in thailand. phew. he's back here safe and sound now. and my friend's back from thailand too. thankfully. hope the death toll doesn't rise. praying for all the victims. now and always. life's so fragile. it gets ripped apart when disaster strikes. life's just too short for saying all your heart-felt words to your loved ones. sad. especially when the affected countries are filled with sufferings and hardships. hmm. sometimes i really wonder. what's wrong with the world? sigh. it's not within my means to answer. only the one and mighty one knows. god knows. hmm. junior from other school asked me to write an introduction for an essay. are men and women equal. discuss. hahas. did her one. hope she didn't find it too crappy. and brother. had to help him out with his commonwealth essay. he's just so lazy. next year's his streaming. arh. hope he gets into a good class.
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11:50 PM
Saturday, December 25
christmas was spent with cousins. mostly. after cousins came down to grandparents' we went to play immediately. cycled. hahas. what else can we do? played soccer too. that's something we must do when we meet up. three cousins came only. the other two. haix. don't know where they went. one uncle's in thailand. another uncle. aunt. and my two year old nephew went to genting. hmm. we can't even have a complete lunch together. hope everyone gets to get together again during chinese new year. aiyo. brother. he kicked the ball right into cousin's face. it's so near. i mean that's him. cousin could have collapsed. hahas. he's in primary three. not that big sized. christmas. nothing much also. hmm. did lotsa silly stuff with cousins. erm. don't call it silly. not nice. hahas. better not to know. it's really fun and all. cousins are just like my siblings. hahas. they certainly brighten up my life. sneaked out around half past eight on my bike for some stuff. hahas. merry x'mas. joy. peace. love.
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9:13 PM
Tuesday, December 21
woke up late. piggy me. slept at 2.30 the day before. was supposed to meet at friend's place at 10. bad. instead i woke up at ten. hahas. but managed to reach his place by 11.30. i hate to be late. blahs. no choice. little sleep. wake up late. we chatted for a while before we headed off for gyming. hmm. i don't even go to the gym. we trained in the gym for a few hours. all become tired and worn out. hahas. but there's still squash in the afternoon. we headed back to friend's room. actually he's my classmate. yeaps. rested. chatted during lunch too. two years of being classmates finally comes to an end. they were the my cca mates too. so that makes four years of kinship. hmm. kinda long. how time flies. hope we get to keep in touch for as long as we can. it feels so awful having to part with your classmates. been through weal and woe as a class. we make the best possible class. yeaps. classmates can be your lifelong friends too. look forward to meeting them for more sports. outings too. and chalets. squash in the afternoon from two till four. i know nuts 'bout squash. maybe i'm just dumb. yeaps. first time playing. friends had to coach me for quite abit before i could be on my own. really thankful towards them. next time when we play i wouldn't be so blur anymore. i try to. hahas. i needed to leave earlier. missed out basketball. blahs. missed out all the fun too.
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10:57 PM
Monday, December 20
went to imm with family. since dad isn't working today. there was this roadshow. 'bout kungfu hustle. the new stephen chow movie. starring in theatres on 23rd december i think. his crew were warmly welcomed by kungfu performances. pretty entertaining i must say. there was this group with a guy who could break a steel piece with his head. no gimmick i suppose. audiences were stunned. judges too. the trio performers were great. hmm. they deserve to win the best performing group. yeaps. and they did. went for lunch after the performances and all.
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5:24 PM
Sunday, December 19
woke up at eleven today. went for mass yesterday evening already. had relative's wedding to attend at night. somewhere in orchard. left house at 'bout six. reached the place in half an hour's time. still early. grandma walked with aunt. grandpa followed me. we kind of prowled the streets. went to centre point also. it's so packed. i mean it's a festive season. everyone's shopping for gifts i suppose. it's almost time. aunt called from the restaurant. grandpa and i made our way back. walked and talked at the same time. it's really great spending time with grandparents. you just feel so relieved. before dinner started there were games. hahas. there was this sms game. sms the answer to the host's mobile phone. and there were like so many people. close to thirty tables. so i thought the chances of winning were slim. first question i got the answer but it's in short form. so in a way it's not accepted. the subsequent three questions i emerged winner. that's like so unbelievable. i mean i see almost everyone around me taking out their mobile phones and sms-in all the way. maybe it's just sheer luck. yeaps. guess so. the host was so surprised. hahas. three times same person. blahs. went on stage three times. dinner started. my six year old cousin came along too. plus two other cousins. ten and twelve. as usual. joked and laughed while eating. hahas. yeaps. ate and ate till the last dish was served. desert wasn't nice. i don't even know what desert they served. it's apricot with i don't know what. tasted awful though. i still managed to finish it. it's time to go home. gave the couple and their parents well-wishes before we left the place. marraige is no child's play. there must be mutual understanding between one another. chemistry and affinity as well. no point giving everything when you don't get anything in return. but deep in your heart you just know. there will not be any regrets. at all. loving you is like a journey without a destination. sigh.
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11:59 AM
Saturday, December 18
reached grandparents' place before seven. cousin stayed over. hmm. went to the park for basketball first. then soccer later. brother came along too. we all had so much fun. especially when cousin is here. hahas. he's so clumsy with the ball. blahs. we went back to take a break around ten. rested. decided to go for cycling. grandpa bought a new mountain bike. this makes three mountain bikes at his house. two bigger ones. and the new smaller one. the rest of the bikes are just rusty and old. nobody uses them. we cycled to rifle range road. there's this kind of deserted biking trail. at least a few people were there. this was my second time cycling through that deserted route. first time was with a classmate of mine. terrain was more or less rough. with rocks and all. then we reached the foot of this slope. impossible to cycle up. sigh. had to carry our bikes up. cousin's weak. brother and i helped him carry his bike. followed by brother's bike. ultimately mine. by then my head was already spinning. so tired. slept at two yesterday. since it's a once in a blue moon thing. so i had to take cousin somewhere where he could have fun. when school reopens less chance to meet him. by now we were at the foot of bukit timah hill. then cycled back to grandparents' house. everyone's tired. we all lied on the floor. had a hearty conversation. waited for grandma to cook lunch. in the evening went for mass. cousin's baptised. but he doesn't attend chruch. i mean his family rarely goes to chruch. maybe only on special occasions. like chinese new year and christmas. hope to see him in chruch during christmas with his two younger brothers. after mass had a farewell party. for three of the priests. had carol singing and all. choirs sounded so resplendent. food was served after all the singing. buffet. ate till we dropped. cousin and i went to the front where the choirs were. we enjoyed our food with the accompliment of great music. laughed and joked while eating. blahs. not a good habit though. but the atmosphere was just so good. hmm. pierre png and andrea de cruz was there too. cousin spotted them. indeed it's really them. hahas. we didn't want to stay behind too late. we made a move. grandpa fetched cousin home. by the time we reached grandparents' place it was close to eleven. washed up and went to lie in bed. within ten minutes i was fast asleep. piggy me.
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11:32 PM
Friday, December 17
woke up early today. 'bout eight. slept at two yesterday. no choice. meeting friends in town at eleven. had to get ready and stuff. actually met this classmate of mine. he's selling me his graphics card. fx5600. more than good for me. i'm not a hardcore gamer. the one i bought will suffice. at least i can play the games which i can't in the past. we decided not to catch a movie. we were all so tired. hahas. no mood. installing a graphics card can be that easy. sigh. something bad happened. to my friend. hope she gets well soon. i'l be praying for you. now and always. nothing must happen to you. life's a lie. the world is unfair. so why live?
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11:47 PM
Thursday, December 16
today slacked abit. didn't bother to go running. but did some light workout. didn't help much though. today kind of lunched with more than ten people. hmm. grandparents. two aunts. cousins. mum. bro. yeaps. 'bout twelve of us. quite some time since i met my cousins. ate and chatted at the same time. though it's not a good habit. who cares? we need some catching up. cousin just finished his psle. while i just finished o'levels. we are free. hahas. nah. next year's going to be a busy year. education still continues. ora et labora. work hard. play hard. yeaps. simple yet elegant motto. missed the times in sji. alot. blahs. nothing gold can stay in this world. especially. sigh.
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11:43 PM
Wednesday, December 15
second consecutive day i'm actually running. o boy. it's just the second day. and it wouldn't go beyond a week. had to force myself. didn't want to initially. had nasi lemak for breakfast. so fattening. blahs. the injury i had this year slows my running pace down. hopefully my leg heals. i really wish for it to heal. though now it doesn't hurt but the injury still remains. grandpa gave me a call when i came back from running. asked me out. actually he needed my opinion on some stuff. i turned him down that day when he asked me out. but today i didn't. hahas. had good time with grandpa.we talked. chatted. today's the only day i enjoyed myself so far. looking back the past few weeks. sigh. it's so nice and all having to be able to spend some moments with your grandparents. the feeling's just so good. grandma had to take care of two month old nephew. it's so inconvenient for him to come out. that's what she thinks. brother didn't want to come along. busy playing his game. hmm. he needs to stop. next year's his streaming. yeaps. as his elder brother i need to remind him. i mean it's for his own good.
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11:50 PM
Tuesday, December 14
too tired. few days since i last blogged. sacrificed some time of my sleep to blog now. woke up at around nine today. had breakfast first before going running. mum was telling me. ehh. you haven't been exercising that much this days. then only i came to a realisation. yeaps. i could feel that i was getting more and more unfit. eat so much. yet exercise so little. so today i went for running for twenty minutes before i had to stop and rest. blahs. i know. my stamina's bad now. really bad. in a way it feels great to be able to run again. but in another million ways the feeling's awful. feel the strain and all in my limbs. was surprised. didn't had any cramp. i dread having cramps. i mean they are just so sickening and irritating. classmates asking me out tomorrow for movie. sigh. but mum wants me to help her to make some food. i don't know what you call them. she just needs my help larh. dilemma. should i forgo the movie to help mum? yeaps. my mind's made up. i'll help mum no matter what. she wants to teach me the piano. but now's bit too late i guess. i didn't want to learn when i was young. i'm not a musically-inclined kind of person. maybe i should pick up piano during my free time. at least when i grow up i'll know how to play a musical instrument. sigh. i'll probably give up half way. there's a function at chruch this saturday. relative's wedding dinner coming up on sunday. hmm didn't blog 'bout anything depressing today. don't brood over what that has happened. but how many people can actually forget everything? i don't know.
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11:38 PM
Saturday, December 11
everyone seeems to be away. uncle's in taiwan now. that's why aunt stays with grandparents and me today. helped to take care of my two year old nephew. it kind of bonds us closer together. grandpa took aunt and my two year old nephew to united square for some kids' roadshow. barney i think. my cousin's so happy when he came home. i mean that's how kids react. i didn't want to follow. i had to stay for someone. but in vain. quite a few of my friends are away too. one has gone to japan. one cruise. another malaysia. i had to sacrifice my cosy room for aunt and my two month old nephew. the whole living room's for me today. blahs. i'm fine with it. i didn't want to sleep in the maid's room. there are no beds in the other two rooms. maybe i should go to the garden. relax and enjoy the night breeze. sigh. so much have happened lately. it's time that i let go of everything. but how? let nature take her course. if things were never meant to be yours they would never be. no matter how hard you try. how much guts you slog out. people say things they never meant at all. without thinking how the other party would feel. had a hearty chat with grandma and aunt over dinner. grandma was telling me 'bout this plant that could ward off mosquitos. how cool. it looks so normal. nothing special. but i suppose it emits a scent that can ward off mosquitos. chatted with second aunt on the phone. she always asks me to eat. and eat. but i couldn't. i could feel that i'm getting fat and all. need to control my diet. i love second aunt. she treats me the best. i'm being biased. i know. i hate cousin. lately he has been giving aunt so much trouble. heard from mummy. making her sad and all. one day i shall give him a good beating. yeaps. want him to learn his lesson. not looking forward to christmas. why are we still friends? sigh.
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11:15 PM
Friday, December 10
christmas is approaching. a time of endless joy and happiness. i'm still in deep thought of what that has happened to me a few weeks back. it's still haunting me now. my soul got ripped apart. sigh. my dreams didn't come true. at all. premonitions did. things turned out against my will. i found out something that i really shouldn't. something that would live with me forever. you'll never be replaced.
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6:56 PM
Thursday, December 9
tiring day. woke up like nine in the morning. went out till late afternoon. had beef noodles for lunch. long time since i had them. talked to two juniors today. they were so patient. listened me out. at least i felt better after talking to them. juniors rawk. hahas. they certainly do. they are there for you when you need them. but i admit sometimes we do take them for granted. i'm so thankful for my juniors. they bring joy to you when you feel down. makes you want to live life better. after all what matters is whether the individual's willing to make a difference in his own life. many things have seen a change lately. so much so that life ain't worth living at all. is it so hard to get what you wish for? is it worth making sacrifices for people you care? i'm living in a world of question marks. sigh. it'll take me a lifetime to figure out stuff. yeaps. i'm slow. who cares? i don't even know what's best for me. i've given the best i could ever have but didn't get anything in return and what i longed for. =(. life's a bitch. but i still wanna end off by thanking my juniors for everything. you know who you are.
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11:34 PM
Tuesday, December 7
it's been cloudy this few days. the weather's so good. can easily turn in the night without any air-con. no wonder i've been getting up real late this few days. today's another day of staying home. parents didn't want me to go out. how time crawls when you stay home. sigh. brother used the computer the entire afternoon. and i slept. hahas. yeaps. mum and dad went to hospital. went there to meet the doctors and all. discussed 'bout the surgery dad's mum had to undergo. smoking kills. my uncle and cousin on dad's side are getting married next year. grandma has to get well soon. -prays- chatted with someone from my old alma mater yesterday night. saps. it's so much like talking to an old friend. talked 'bout everything under the sun. hahas. joked and laughed. i mean the feeling's just so good. catching up with someone who once came from the same old alma mater as i am. friends always. my christmas wish. god knows. someone knows. i have to start working on it. but it probably wouldn't come through this christmas. maybe next next next christmas. dreams do come true. they certainly do. some take a lifetime. others seem an eternity. i am just losing hope each day. hopefully it wouldn't come to the point when everything is over. that's what a faith is for. it brings you up. turn to god. talk to him. he'll raise you up. -your grateful but difficult catholic son-
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11:50 PM
Monday, December 6
woke up at eleven today. super late. to me indeed it is. bit my tongue since last week. still hurts. mum cooked me soupy stuff so i won't have a hard time eating. dad brought us cake from polar after work. so fattening. must exercise doubly hard when i eat them. don't want to look fat during christmas. hahas. dad's mum is going to have a heart surgery. smoking's never good. i hate it. mum's accompanying dad to the hospital. though i'm not close to my paternal grandparents but deep down inside i just hope everything would go smoothly and well. parents leaving brother and me at home. havoc's awaiting us. hahas. i'll be praying at the same time too for dad's mum. and i mean really hard. my friend's coming back from new zealand. so cool. hope to meet up real soon. holding on a friendship with no trust is doing no one good. blahs. shall end here.
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11:10 PM
Sunday, December 5
almost late for chruch today. slept at 'bout half past two that's why woke up kinda late. grandpa had to constantly come into my room to wake me up. tries to sleep earlier on saturday nights in future. was rushing against time. felt sleepy during mass. but managed to stay awake. the choir was right beside me. life's like a jam. we often get stucked in difficult times of our lives. just like how you would curse and swear when you are stucked in a traffic jam with a really bad stomach-ache. how many would stay optimistic in times of a traffic jam? the day would come when we learn to accept everything in our stride and see that life can be beautiful. for me it would be a long long time to come. sigh. saw brother's secret admirer at bukit panjang plaza today. shh. they were from the same primary school. my junior too. just that brother doesn't know she likes him. they are friends i guess. hopefully one day they can get together. she's a really nice and understanding girl. when she tells me how much she cares and loves my brother. i really wish i could have someone like her in my life. sigh.
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4:32 PM
Saturday, December 4
today was a pretty tiring day. stayed over at grandparents'. i do that every saturday. went for running and cycling in the evening. no choice. had to because i'm getting fat and all. blahs. ran for twenty mins. couldn't take it. rest awhile. got on my bike and cycled aimlessly. especially the ascending slopy areas. they really can kill. maybe i'm too weak i guess. -faints- felt deadbeat. reached grandparents' at half past seven. took a short nap. went to bathe and washed the toilet. spent one entire hour of scrubbing and brushing. but guess it'll still get dirty real soon. never mind the effort. i had to help since i'm their grandson. eldest. slept real late but did nothing productive. just sat in front of the computer listening to the same song over and over again. something came to mind but shall not talk 'bout it. it's nothing good to rejoice 'bout. really. didn't get the chance to do something important. sigh.
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10:54 PM
Friday, December 3
my very first blog. maiden blog. so darn blur. friends and all had to help. thanks alot. today stayed home and watched alien vs predator to beat the afternoon boredom. after all i was'nt so bored. need to work soon. did'nt qualify for first three mths in jc. really stupid of me choosing not to study. now everyone's so excited 'bout jc life and 'm busy lookin for a job to past by time. sigh. hopefully i'l get out of this plight real soon. did'nt dare relish de thought 'bout gettin olvl results either. blahs.
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10:40 PM